Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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