I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
