We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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