he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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