im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
