yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
