I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
