do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
