I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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