Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
