Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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