i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
