i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
