Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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