I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
