oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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