You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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