Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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