There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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