you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
