Plan B is the new Plan A
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
