just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
