I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
