Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
