btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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