Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
