Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
