Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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