my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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