The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
