I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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