I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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