your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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