Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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