You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
