So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
