his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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