Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
