5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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