i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My vagina is very pro this idea
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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