I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
