I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
