i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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