Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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