I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
