Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
