Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Even my vagina gasped.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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