he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
