Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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