i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
