saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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