Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
