Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
