your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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