i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
