his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
