He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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