maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Be still, my beating vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
