the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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