dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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