It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
