shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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