Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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