they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
