well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
