true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
