atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
