If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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